The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
