she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
