We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
