Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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