she woke up with a sticky ear
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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