My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
