you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
