how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
