So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
3pm strippers are depressing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
