my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
FUCK WHALES
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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