we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
