i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My ass is underappreciated
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
