That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
