Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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