I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We smell like vodka and hangover
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