Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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