I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
