Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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