i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
