Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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