her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
