She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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