i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
pop tarts are not kleenex
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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