Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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