do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
