How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
