Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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