I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
