I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
