He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
