i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
