I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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