..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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