just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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