Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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