we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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