I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
