I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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