Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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