Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
