he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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