just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
