I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
