I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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