Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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