you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
