I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
