Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
