I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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