Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
