Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
