there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
