i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
