yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
