Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
