I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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