i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
