Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
