I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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