We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
